I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I could make wine with my vomit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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