Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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