I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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