paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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