Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
