I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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