"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
