When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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