I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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