This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
