dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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