you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
