There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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