"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
