In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
