Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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