I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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