My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
