i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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