Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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