Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
