is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
