I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
