I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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