Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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