I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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