The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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