i don't like sucking hair
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
