idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
