their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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