i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
