I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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