From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
