PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love having hate sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
