Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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