i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
