Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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