your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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