what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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