at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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