I wish I could punch you in the face.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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