i already hear my dad disowning me
farters have to be the big spoon...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
