Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
