I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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