You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
