Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
