PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
