omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
