I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
