Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
