Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
