Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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