That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize