I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
