Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
