You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
