i just google imaged poop.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
