I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize