i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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