nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
