shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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