im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
