I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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