He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
