How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
