wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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