this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
