The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize