Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
