I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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