my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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