We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
