I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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