i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize