I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
